Reality Check: Yellowstone Sucks And It Wants To Kill You
Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming is one of the most beautiful and fascinating places in North America.
It also wants to kill you!
Yeah, Yellowstone is far from a safe haven, there are a lot of people that get hurt or even DIE in Yellowstone every year.
Mostly because they are STUPID.
Here are a few of the highlights.
For a full laugh at this great article by PJ DelHomme please visit this link.
It’s Going to Explode
Let’s start with the obvious. Yellowstone is a giant Supervolcano. I didn’t add the “super” for emphasis; that’s the scientific term.
To be safe, you’ll be better off at Busch Gardens.
Seriously. And Yellowstone’s parking lots, entrances, boardwalks, hotels, and even campsites are booked.
Visitors Are Special Today
This touron jumped a barrier to get a photo op. About 20 yards downstream from this dipshit was a 300-foot drop that would have made for some sweet footage had he fallen in.
Yellowstone casts a spell upon visitors the moment they pass over the park boundary, creating a special breed of short-bus touron.
Rules do not apply to the touron. Thermal features are off-limits to everyone but them. Bison actually do want a hug. Fences at the top of 300-foot waterfalls are meant to be hopped for a photo-op.
No one is entirely certain what causes this special kind of stupid, but scientists are still studying the effects of sulfur and thermal vapors on the human brain.
It’s not Family-friendly
Dangerous Thermals in Yellowstone
Seriously, the whole family could die.
Geysers don’t care. They will eat your children.
Finally, there is absolutely nothing in the park to entertain your kids. Cell service is spotty at best. The rooms don’t have televisions, and all the puzzles in the lobby of Lake Hotel are missing pieces.
The Locals Don’t Want You There
Today, there are thousands of Instagram clips of tourons getting gored, mauled, stuck, bit, jabbed, and stomped.
So please, the next time you think you want to go to Yellowstone, just be honest with yourself. Do you really want to spend $400/night on a hotel room with roaches the size of your thumb just so you can see a little steam?
Yellowstone sucks. Please tell your friends.